Words Written in Red

by Raisintorte

"Leaving without saying goodbye? I really thought we had moved beyond that at this point." Lorne leaned across the threshold of Kavanagh's door and watched him put books into crates. Kavanagh didn't look up from his packing as he moved around the room picking up items.

"So, were you just hoping I just wouldn't notice your name on the manifest of people leaving on the Daedalus? Or were you hoping that I would? Friends generally say goodbye to each other." Lorne moved into the room and the door whooshed shut behind him.

Kavanagh looked up from his books and shook his head. "Friends? No. We were never friends." It was impossible to miss the bitterness laced in Kavanagh's voice.

Lorne wandered over to the only empty chair in the room and sat down. "Really. Not friends. Right, so that's how you're going to justify this. Got it."

Kavanagh wrapped one his bookends in bubble wrap and put it in a box. "Friends don't ignore each other in public."

"I didn't exactly see you coming up to me in the mess or acknowledging me in public." Lorne leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

Kavanagh stopped moving and looked at the floor. "You know, when you first started paying attention to me on Atlantis, I thought you were going to try and make me your pet scientist. You know, like Sheppard and McKay, or O'Neill with Carter and Jackson."

Lorne rolled his eyes. "Right. The big difference is their scientists aren't embarrassed to be seen with them in public."

"I'm not embarrassed to be seen with you in public!" Kavanagh looked up at Lorne, agitated.

Lorne picked up a foam stress ball from the desktop and started tossing it between his hands. "Do you remember the first time we met?"

Kavanagh glared at Lorne. "Are you seriously asking me that question? What, do you finally believe McKay's rants about my intelligence? Of course I remember the first time we met!"

Lorne stopped tossing the ball and looked directly at Kavanagh. "You were nicer back then."

"I was stupider back then. And also terrified out of my mind. That was my first day at the SGC. I had just been transferred from Area 51 and I hadn't exactly expected to spend it trapped in a corridor with some random major." While he was speaking, Kavanagh cleared a spot on the bed and sat down.

"Hey! At least I had a deck of cards on me. Can you imagine spending seven hours trapped somewhere without them?" Lorne smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

Kavanagh gave Lorne a wry grin. "I can't imagine you spending seven hours doing anything with me, trapped or not."

"Are you implying that, at some point, you could have imagined me spending seven hours with you?"

Kavanagh appeared to be considering the question. "I don't know. You were nice, and not what I was expecting at all. I thought maybe we could be friends. But then the next day you blew me off and I realized you were just like the rest of them."

Lorne frowned at Kavanagh and shook his head. "Don't put this all on me. I called you that night to explain, but you never called me back. You weren't the only one who was new to the SGC. You already had quite the reputation following you from Area 51. I was new, I didn't know anyone, and I was told that you weren't the kind of guy I wanted to be spending time with if I wanted to succeed at the SGC. So, I wasn't exactly in a position to do anything about it."

Kavanagh stood up from the bed and turned away from Lorne. "As I said, I thought you were different."

Lorne rubbed his eyes in frustration. The conversation was not going as he planned. "Why are we arguing about something that happened more than four years ago?"

"I don't know. You're the one who brought it up."

"I guess I always thought of that afternoon as the start of our friendship, but I guess not." Lorne set the ball back down on the table and stood up.

"We're not friends." Kavanagh said with conviction.

"You keep saying that, but I don't think you really know what a friend is." Lorne walked over and stood next to Kavanagh.

Kavanagh titled his head to the side and looked at Lorne. "Probably not."

"So these last three weeks, what were we then, if not friends?"

"I don't know." Kavanagh shrugged, "I don't think sitting around and watching a few movies and hanging out in secret makes us friends."

Lorne started pacing between the bed and the chair, this really wasn't going well, and it just wasn't how he had expected the conversation to go down. "I was at least trying. You could have tried a little harder." Lorne stopped pacing and shook his head at Kavanagh. "I just don't get why you came back at all. From what I can tell your second stint here wasn't any different from your first."

"I honestly thought it would be different this time. I knew you were here and I thought you could talk some sense into them, temper the risks they were always taking. Boy, was I ever wrong! You just blindly follow where Sheppard and Weir lead, go where they tell you to go, and take risks I know you know aren't worth it! And I'm not going to sit around here and wait for you to come though the gate in a body bag. And I'm not waiting around to get killed myself."

Lorne considered this for a moment. "So you would care if I died, then?"

Kavanagh dropped the book he had been packing on the bed. "Of course I would! We may not be friends but I care every time someone's life is needlessly taken as a result of the careless and risky actions that seem to be everyday occurrences around here!"

"So that's it, then? You aren't even going to try. You're just going to tuck your tail between your legs and head back to Earth. Right." Lorne shook his head in resignation.

Kavanagh sat on the bed, and rested his head in his hands, looking defeated. "I can't. I just can't do it anymore. I thought I could, so I came back, but I can't be here and do this work, with those people."

Lorne walked over to the bed and sat down next Kavanagh. He was about to put his arm around Kavanagh's shoulders when Kavanagh pushed him away and stood up.

"You need to leave. Now."

"No! I am not leaving it like this, I may not be your friend, but you're mine and I can't let you do this to yourself."

"Well, I don't care what you think! We are not friends, we never were friends, and we are never going to be friends. Not now. Not ever. Now, do I need to call security in here to get you to leave? That would be quite embarrassing for you, wouldn't it? I can just hear the gossip mill now – ‘Major forcibly removed from most hated scientist's room.' I bet Sheppard and McKay would start looking at you differently!"

"You are such a bastard! If you didn't care, you wouldn't be pushing me away, and you wouldn't have pushed everyone else away. You came back expecting to fail. Way to go! You did it! Nice self-fulfilling prophecy. Now you can go back to Earth and tell everyone there how right you were!" Lorne walked over and poked Kavanagh in the chest.

"Get. Out. Now!" Kavanagh walked over to the door and put his hand on the control console.

Lorne gave Kavanagh a sad look. "Fine, but if I walk through that door? I'm not coming back." Kavanagh gestured at the door without saying anything and Lorne walked over and hit the open button.

"Have a safe trip." Lorne whispered as he looked back and watched the door whoosh shut.

***

From: kavanagh@daedalus.sgc.net
To: lorne@atlantis.sgc.net
Subject: [none]

We were friends.

***

Lorne had to read the email three times before it finally sunk in. God, that man was a bastard. Lorne laughed, well, maybe the next time he was on Earth he might try and reopen that door. Maybe.