Everything's Coming Up . . . Violets?

by Raisintorte

Daniel was on a dig in Egypt and about to open an old, and hopefully untouched, tomb. The excitement was building up as the final preparations to open the door were being made. He was surrounded by the crème de la crème of the archeological world, all waiting for him to open the door and unveil the biggest archeological find of the new millennium. With a deep breath, he released the latch, got himself situated to move the coverstone—and then he heard someone screaming.

"Daniel! Daniel! I know you are in there, I can see that the light is on, open your door!"

"Wha… What? Sam? Is that you?" Daniel came awake with a start looking around trying to figure out where he was and why Sam was shouting. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust and he realized he had fallen asleep on the living room sofa and Sam was pounding on his front door.

"Daniel! It's cold and rainy out here. Please open the door!" Sam shouted from outside.

Daniel hurriedly got up and ran to the front door and opened it. Only after he saw the expression on Sam's face did he realize he was only wearing his boxer shorts. The ones Jack had got him last year that said "Archeologists do it with mummies." He was about to stutter out an apology when he did a double take at Sam.

"Sam?"

"Yes, Daniel?"

"You're purple."

"Yes, Daniel."

"Not that I don't think it's a good look on you, but from the expression on your face I take it that you aren't purple by choice?" Sam's skin really was purple from head to toe, and her hair was lovely shade of violet. Her clothing appeared to be normal, well normal in the sense that it wasn't dyed purple. He didn't really know that much about women's fashion.

"Not exactly. Would you mind if I came inside? It's a little cold out here."

"Sorry! Come in, come in." Daniel moved back and led Sam into his living room. "Would you like something to eat? Drink?" Sam shook her head no.

Daniel walked over the couch and sat down and Sam followed, and sat down next to him. "Would you like to talk about what happened?"

"Yes. You know how I accidentally set McKay's MALP on fire last month?" Daniel had heard the story, so he nodded. "Well it turns out McKay thought I did it on purpose and he decided to get his revenge. It's not like I wasn't expecting it, but a month had gone by and nothing had happened so I figured he was going to drop it."

Daniel smiled at Sam. "I take it his ‘revenge' is the reason you are currently varying shades of purple?"

"Yup. I swim every day at 5:00a.m., rain or shine, and that's pretty much common knowledge around the science department. McKay has even mocked me a time or two for showing up to staff meetings smelling like chlorine. With the exception of Dr. Kusanagi occasionally joining me, I normally have the pool and showers to myself."

Daniel raised his hand to stop Sam. "Doesn't Dr. Kusanagi work for McKay?"

"She sure does. I should have suspected something when she started showing up to the pool at the same time as me -- seeing as the first time was right after the fire."

Daniel raised his hands and shrugged. "Hindsight is twenty-twenty."

"I know. Well, today it was just me at the pool. So I swam my laps, went into the locker room, and into my usual shower. After I had finished rinsing my hair I noticed that my skin was turning purple."

"Uh-oh"

"Uh-oh is right. I immediately turned off the water. I looked at the residual water going down the drain and realized that it had a slight purplish hue to it so I got out of the shower and quickly got dressed. I took apart the showerhead and pipes and, lo and behold, --"

"Hold up for a second. You took apart the showerhead and pipes? And you found the tools to do this where?"

Sam looked a little sheepish for a second. "Well, you never know when you are going to need something, so I carry a mini tool box with me. I just had it in my duffle bag. It's not a full tool box or anything but it had the right sized wrench in it."

"Gotcha."

"So when I removed the showerhead I found a device at the top that must have been slowly mixing purple dye in with the water before it came out of the showerhead. The device itself was rather ingenious. It had a time-release mechanism and sensors. I went and checked the other showerheads for signs of mass tampering and realized that only MY showerhead had been messed with. The device practically screamed McKay but I couldn't figure out how he did it."

"I take it this is where Dr. Kusanagi comes in?"

"Yeah, it took me a few minutes to get to that point, and after that it was pretty easy to figure out how he did it." Sam looked annoyed but she had an almost grudgingly respectful look on her face at the same time. "It's common knowledge around the science department that Miko hero-worships McKay. She must have been checking the pool and facilities out and reporting back to McKay. It's not my schedule was that hard to figure out. I show up at the same time every day, swim the same number of laps, and use the same shower when I'm done. He must have planted the device late last night or early this morning and then waited with glee for me to turn purple."

Daniel had a hard time keeping a straight face. It really was hard to look Sam straight in the face without cracking up. "I assume you have tried to wash it off?"

"Of course! First thing I did was get into one of the other showers and scrub for a half hour. It didn't even dilute the color. By the time I finished cleaning up and fully dismantling the device the girls' swim team was coming in and I had to head to class."

Daniel looked at Sam, surprised. "You still taught class?"

"Yes. I wasn't about to give McKay the satisfaction of winning. So I was bit purple, that wouldn't affect my teaching – or so I thought." Sam had a rather annoyed expression on her face.

"So I take it your class was a bit out of control?"

"You can say that again. And these are my 400 level and graduate students. I walked in and everyone just starting laughing and asking questions. It took 10 minutes but I got them calmed down. I figured if I acted like nothing was wrong they would just stop and pay attention. It actually worked. Thankfully, that was my only class on Fridays. I canceled my office hours and headed to the store to buy lots of cleansers. I have tried *everything*, Daniel, and I am still purple." Sam leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes. Daniel could tell she was about to lose it.

"Have you thought about calling Janet? Or seeing a doctor?" Daniel figured Sam had probably already thought of everything, but he really didn't know the proper way to soothe a purple friend so asking questions and keeping her talking seemed to be the best way to go.

"I did. She came over on her lunch break and took a sample of my hair back to the lab to try and figure out what McKay used. She even went to Dr. Beckett for help. It's some industrial strength dye, Carson thinks it will wear off in a few days, but he couldn't think of anything I could use that would have an immediate effect. Days, Daniel, DAYS! I am not a vain person but I do not want to be purple for DAYS!" Sam scooted closer to Daniel on the couch. Daniel put his arm around her and pulled her in close.

"Okay, so you're purple for a few days. We can work with this. Saturday and Sunday you don't have to see anyone and hopefully Monday you will be faded enough that no one will notice. How about I run out to the store and get some dye for your hair and we fix that? I can also get cookies, pizza, ice cream, and other assorted goodies. We can watch the science movie of your choosing and you can tell me why the science is wrong. And then we can brainstorm how we are going to get McKay back. How does that sound?" Daniel turned to Sam and gave her his brightest smile.

"That? That sounds wonderful, Daniel. How about we skip everything and move straight to the revenge part?"

Daniel laughed. "That's my Sam! Are you sure you don't want me to at least go get some hair dye?"

"Nah, Janet told me it would probably be best for my hair in the long run for me to let the dye wash out naturally or to go to a salon. While McKay is evil, I don't think he's malicious enough to do anything to me that would cause my hair to fall out. So I'll just wait out the hair, but thanks. We could order that pizza while we plot revenge. And not that I don't adore you in your boxers, ‘cause, ummm, they are really cute, but you might want to put some clothing on." Sam wiggled her eyebrows and smirked at Daniel.

Daniel had gotten so wrapped in Sam's story he had completely forgotten about the embarrassing boxers he was wearing.

"Yah, how about I go change while you order the pizza? There are a few menus on the fridge. Order whatever you want. And feel free to help yourself to anything in the fridge. I don't have much but there should be water, soda, and some beer." Sam headed into the kitchen while Daniel headed upstairs to change. He threw on some jeans and a Langford t-shirt.

When Daniel got back down to the kitchen Sam was setting the table and getting out drinks.

"Pizza will be here in about 20 minutes. Let's work on a plan." Sam grabbed a Diet Coke from the fridge, tossed one to Daniel, and sat down at the table.

"I think you have to act fast."

"Why?"

"He won't be expecting you to. He waited a month, got his minions to do recon, and built a complicated device. He went for the elaborate over the simple and I think he'll expect you to spend that much time on him. Don't do it. I say keep it simple and fast. Get him back, because well, he dyed you purple, but don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you spent a lot of time thinking about this."

Sam smiled at Daniel. "That's a very excellent point! I have to get him back, but I don't want him to think he's so important that I'll spend hours and hours stressing about it. Now the question is what to do that's simple, yet enough to get him back for. Dyeing. Me. Purple."

Daniel and Sam sat in companionable silence for the next few minutes both thinking of ideas. At least that's what Daniel thought Sam was thinking about. Daniel was trying but his mind kept slipping and going elsewhere.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Why me?"

Sam looked confused for a second. "What do you mean?"

"Why come here? Isn't Jack more suited to help with this type of problem? Or even Teal'c for that matter?"

Sam got a thoughtful look on her face, like she was weighing how to answer the question. "I needed help and a friend, and my motorcycle drove me here." Sam smiled. "I'm sure Teal'c would help me do something to McKay that would have him locking his doors for months. And Jack . . . well, Jack is Jack. If I had shown up at Jack's house purple, once he realized I wasn't physically injured I would have never heard the end of it. I can just picture the jokes now. I'm sure I'll hear most of them over the next few days."

Daniel had set his hand on the table and Sam reached across the table and put her hand over his. She looked like she was about to say something more when the doorbell rang, breaking the moment.

Both Sam and Daniel got up at the same time and started walking towards the door. Daniel turned and looked at Sam. "Sam, you're purple, you might want to let me deal with the pizza guy. Besides, my house, my treat."

Sam nodded and headed back into the kitchen while Daniel got and paid for the pizza. He headed back into the kitchen and they dug in. Daniel watched as Sam scarfed down three pieces in less than ten minutes.

Daniel, who was still on his first piece, started laughing. "Hungry?"

Sam swallowed the bite she had just taken and started laughing with him. "Yeah, I skipped a few meals today with the whole being purple mess. Sorry."

"It's no problem, Actually it was kinda cute." Daniel smiled shyly at Sam.

Sam looked like she was about to say something when Daniel thought of the perfect way to get back at McKay. "I have an idea! Is McKay still temporarily living in Yakeley Hall?"

Sam rolled her eyes. "Yes, though he's been there six months, so I don't know if you can call that ‘temporary.' He demanded a room on campus last year for when he decided to work late. Then he lost his lease and moved in full time. I don't think he has any plans to move anytime soon."

"Perfect! I stayed in one of the dorm apartments when I was interviewing for my job here and if I'm not mistaken they are all laid out the same, with a door-less closet right in the entranceway by the apartment." Daniel walked over to the kitchen cupboards and pulled out a box of trash bags.

"Umm. . . Daniel? Why are you getting out trash bags? You aren't planning to kill him and hide the body are you?" Sam asked with mild amusement.

Daniel started laughing so hard he almost dropped the box. "No! Have you ever heard of a glitter bomb?"

Sam looked like she was thinking about it for a second. "No . . . but a bomb, Daniel? Isn't that a bit . . . much?"

"It's not a *real* bomb. We used to make these when I was in undergrad. We will have to run out to the drug store and buy the glitter but I have everything else we need here. What you do is fill the bottom of a trash bag with a ton of glitter, or any powdery or flaky substance. Then you blow as much air as you can into the bag. The next part takes a bit of finesse, you have to pull the top of the bag flat, while letting out as little air as possible. You then slide the flat part under someone's door and quickly push the air out of the back of the bag. The air, and the glitter, get dispersed into the room. Have you ever tried to get glitter out of clothing? It's impossible. McKay should be walking around like a pretty, pretty princess for a day or two." Daniel gave Sam his biggest smile when he saw she was almost doubled over laughing.

"Daniel, that's perfect!! It's so low-tech. When do you want to do it?" Sam was practically bouncing up and down in her seat she was so excited.

"How about tonight? It's almost 9 p.m. on a Friday night. The dorms will be deserted. We can run to the drug store and pick up the glitter. All in all, we'll get McKay back the same day he got you AND be home in enough time to watch a movie and make fun of the science."

Sam stood up and walked over to Daniel. "All right. Let's go!"

Daniel stopped and looked at what he and Sam were wearing. "I think we should change first. Do you have any black clothing at your house? And a black ski cap?" Sam nodded her head in the affirmative. "Great, I'll just run up stairs and change into my black clothing and we can be off."

"But don't you think wearing all black will make us *more* conspicuous and less able to blend in?"

"Probably, but it's more fun this way. We can pretend to be agents working for a classified organization on a top-secret mission." Daniel grinned and ran upstairs to change.

Daniel came back dressed from head to toe in black. He grabbed his keys off the sofa table and walked towards the door. "We should probably take my jeep, I think your motorcycle might make us stand out a bit."

"Works for me."

After they stopped by Sam's house for a quick change, and purchased massive quantities of glitter from CVS, they pulled off into one of the campus parking lots and dumped the glitter into a large garbage bag. They wouldn't blow it up until they got to McKay's door. While they were riding in the car, Sam had gotten the brilliant idea to call McKay's room from a campus phone to see if he was home, or at work. Two quick calls later and they had confirmed McKay was in his lab.

When everything was ready, Daniel looked over at Sam. "I think we should just park behind the dorm. It is going to look a little weird for two professors dressed all in black to be wandering around the campus with a garbage bag full of glitter."

"Sounds good to me."

Faculty suites were usually on the first floor near the end of the hall and in the back of the building so Daniel parked his car by the back dumpster. Daniel was hoping they would be able sneak in and out without being noticed.

Daniel grabbed the garbage bag of glitter from the back seat and got out of the car. Sam got out of her side and met him around the back of the Jeep.

Daniel couldn't help but smile when he saw Sam under the glow of the streetlamp. She was dressed from neck to toe in black with violet hair and purple tinted skin. It really was quite the sight to see. He snatched her black cap out of her pocket and pulled it down on her hair.

"Thanks Daniel, you ready?"

"Oh yeah, let's do it!" Daniel started walking towards the loading dock entrance of the dorm, with Sam following. The door was unlocked so they snuck in and walked into the main hall.

"Okay, do you have his room number?"

Sam consulted a piece of paper she pulled out of her pocket. "134. If I remember correctly, it should be the last one at the end of the hall."

Daniel gave Sam a funny look. "If you remember correctly? You've been in McKay's dorm room? Sam, is there something you want to tell me about you and McKay?"

Sam smacked Daniel on the arm. "No! Right after he moved in, Radek needed some help bringing some stuff over here so I volunteered to drive. I was also kinda curious to see how McKay was adjusting to dorm life."

"Ah! Okay, 134 – here we are. Would you like to do the honors while I keep watch?" Daniel held out the garbage bag to Sam.

Sam took the bag from Daniel. "Sure, keeping watch shouldn't be too hard, this place looks pretty deserted. Okay, here we go."

Sam pulled the top of the bag tight like Daniel had instructed and blew as hard as she could. When the bag was full she got down on her hands and knees and quickly flattened out the top. She slid it under McKay's door and quickly pushed the air, and the glitter out of the bag.

"I wish there was some - " Sam stopped talking when she saw Daniel was waving his hand and giving her the signal to be quiet. She pulled the bag out from under the door quietly and tip-toed up to him.

"What? Do you hear something?" Sam whispered.

"Yes, I thought I heard someone walking down the far end of the entrance hall." The dorm was shaped like a T. Daniel and Sam were at the top left part of the T and the entrance was at the bottom. Sam stood silently with Daniel, listening.

"You have to be kidding me, Radek! I cannot believe you were so stupid. Why, why, why would you think that work? And why did you listen to Kavanaugh!?" Sam gave Daniel a frightened look. That was definitely McKay and he was headed right for them.

Daniel looked around for a place they could hide. The exit at this end of the hall was for emergencies only, and if they crossed to the other side and the real exit McKay might see them. There was a door right behind Sam – it was their only chance not to get caught. Daniel walked over, dragging Sam with him and tried the knob. Thankfully, it was unlocked so Daniel walked in, pulling Sam behind him. Sam closed the door.

It was a tight space and there wasn't much room for two people standing up so Sam was pressed close to him. Daniel thought it must be a storage closet of some sort. He didn't want to risk turning the light. Daniel's back was pressed against a shelf and Sam's back was pressed into Daniel's front.

Daniel leaned down and whispered into Sam's ear. "I think if we stay quiet and still, we can make a run for it when he goes into his room and closes the door, but that might be a while once he sees the glitter. Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, Good thing I'm not claustrophobic or anything. Shhh! It sounds like he's almost to his door."

Daniel and Sam leaned towards the door as they listened to McKay continue his tirade against poor Dr. Zelenka. It was very clear the second McKay opened the door and saw the state of his room.

"What the hell!? Radek, is that glitter? Why is there glitter all over my things?" McKay's voice got louder with each word.

Dr. Zelenka was speaking too quietly for Daniel to make out all of his words, but obviously McKay didn't like his response because he started squawking louder.

"Carter! This has to be the work of Carter! Revenge for my turning her purple. Look at my shirts. They are covered in glitter! How do you even get glitter out of clothing? I'm going to be walking campus for the next week looking like Elton John! Let's go back to the lab. We have revenge to plan! How did she do this so fast? I wonder what kind of device she used to get this even of a dispersal . . . "

Daniel heard McKay's door slam shut and footsteps and voices retreating down the hall.

"Phew, that was close! We should probably wait a while to make sure he doesn't come back. Aside from the almost being caught thing, we couldn't have planned this more perfectly, don't ya think?" Daniel wrapped his arms a little tighter around Sam giving her a small hug.

Sam turned around so she was facing Daniel in the closet and wrapped her arms around his back. "It did go off rather well, didn't it? And thankfully, McKay was too worked up to see the trail of glitter that probably leads from his door to this closet." Daniel felt Sam raise her head to look up at him. In the dim light of the closet he could see her grinning. "So, what are we going to do to kill the next ten to twenty minutes?"

Daniel wrapped his arms a little tighter around her. "Well, I could think of a few things –" he said suggestively.

In the dim light of the closet Daniel could Sam raise her eyebrows as she looked up at him. "Oh you could, could you?"

"Yeah, but then I would have to break my rule to never kiss anyone who is purple, and I just don't know if I'm ready do that. – Ouch!" Sam elbowed Daniel in the ribs as he was speaking.

"Well that's fine, because I don't really want to break my rule against making out with guys who wear silly boxer shorts!"

"O-ka-y, don't want to touch that one with a ten foot pole. Well, we could always talk about the fun things you could do the next few days as a purple person?"

Sam started laughing. "Yeah, I was thinking of wearing really bright colors to work on Monday. I figure if everyone is going to be looking at me already because of my purple skin and hair, I might as well give them something else to look at! I wonder what McKay is planning now . . . watch, next week I'll show up at your door blue!"

Daniel leaned forward brushed his lips against Sam's forehead. "Well if you do, you can order us a pizza and we'll think of another quick and fun way to get back at McKay!" Daniel looked down at his watch. "Well it's been about 5 minutes and it sounds as if the coast is clear, let's get out of here and go get some movies so we can take turns yelling at the TV"

Daniel reached around Sam and opened the closet door. Sam poked her head out and looked around. "Looks like the coast is clear. Let's go home"

Daniel grabbed Sam's hand and they headed out of the dorm. All in all, this had been one of the most fun Friday nights Daniel had had in a long time. He would have to find a reason to stop by McKay's lab this week to see the man covered in glitter, if McKay handled this ‘situation' in his usual manner, it would certainly be fun to watch -- from a safe distance of course.