This is Your Life (Welcome To It)

by Raisintorte

Elizabeth was almost done with her morning workout when she noticed him standing in the doorway of the gym. Startled, she almost dropped the weight she was using, but caught herself in time. She finished her last curl, gave him a small smile, and set the weight back on the rack next to the bench.

The smile must have been all the encouragement he needed because he walked over. By the time he crossed the room, she was sitting up and grabbing for her crutches. He reached down and offered her his hand. It was a kind gesture, one that most people didn't make. Most of her acquaintances just assumed she needed the help and grabbed her arms without asking. The fact he knew to offer, rather than assume, said a lot about what he had been through over the last few years. She took his hand and let him help her up off the bench.

"Thank you, Sergeant Bates." She grabbed her crutches from their position next to the bench and settled them under her arms.

"You're welcome, ma'am. How are you doing?" He had a concerned look on his face that grew more so when she took a step forward and flinched. Putting weight on her leg still hurt like hell.

"I'm fine, thank you. I must say, I'm surprised to see you here." Now that she was over the initial jolt of seeing him, she took a minute to really look at him. He looked a little older, a little more haggard than when she had last seen him before his injury. There were new lines on his face, lines she probably played a role in putting there.

"I'm a little surprised to be here myself, ma'am. I just had an appointment upstairs and I saw you in the gym while I was walking by." While he was talking, she walked (well, hopped) over to grab her bags and he followed. Elizabeth couldn't help but notice that he limped a little on his left side. "I heard you were injured. I'm sorry."

"Thank you." She slung her bag over her shoulder and started toward the door. "It is really nice to see you up and walking, Sergeant. I was going to grab some lunch in the cafe. Would you like to join me?" The invitation was as much of a surprise to her as it appeared to be to him, but after all the losses of the last three years, it was nice to reconnect with an old . . . acquaintance.

She thought he was going to decline, but then he smiled at her and said, "I'd like that, ma'am."

"Please, call me Elizabeth. We're not on Atlantis anymore." The look on his face said he didn't need any reminders that they weren't on Atlantis. He wasn't in uniform and she was wearing a beat up pair of sweats, and those weren't even the most obvious of the indications.

"Of course . . . Elizabeth." It sounded forced, but it was a step. She noticed that he didn't offer his own name in return, but that was okay. Baby steps.

They made their way to the hospital cafeteria, making small talk as they walked. He was living in Nevada now, but came back to Colorado Springs four times for check ups. On the outside, they must have looked so very normal. Two people who hadn't seen each other in a while catching up. She didn't think the underlying awkwardness was noticeable to anyone but them, but she knew they both felt it.

When they reached the cafeteria, Bates grabbed a tray for himself, and one for her, asking her with his eyes if she minded him carrying it for her. She didn't - it was hard enough to maneuver around with her crutches, let alone crutches and a tray. She wasn't going to turn down his offer of help, but once again she appreciated his consideration.

She let him buy her lunch. It was a small gesture, but she could tell it meant something to him. They worked their way around to an empty table in a deserted area. Neither of them were going to be spilling any state secrets in a public cafeteria, but there were things that needed to be said. Things that shouldn't be overheard.

Once they were settled and eating, they lapsed into an awkward silence. There were clearly things he wanted to talk about, ask her, say to her, but she knew it wasn't his nature to bring them up unless she opened the door first. So she did. "How are you adjusting to life outside the marines?" Any worry she had about the change in topic went away when she saw the almost grateful look on his face.

"Being a marine was all I ever knew." He looked down at his plate for a second and then straight into her eyes, "It was rough at first. I tried the SGC for a bit, they gave me a desk job when I was back on my feet again. Once it became clear my injury would never fully heal, I had to leave. The SGC is given a lot of latitude for personnel, but even they have to explain why they have a Sergeant who can't pass a physical on active duty. They didn't abandon me though. There's this company - mostly injured and retired SGC personnel. They set you up with consultant jobs anywhere you could want to go. I'm not wearing a uniform but I'm still serving my country. Right now, I'm consulting for a base in Nevada. Security, mostly." He didn't say the name of the facility where he was working, but she knew it had to be Area 51.

"The SGC sent word when you . . . recovered, and I heard you had left the military, but I didn't know the circumstances. I'm glad you are doing okay."

"How about you, ma'am? Do you miss Atlantis?" She couldn't help but notice that he had slipped back into calling her ma'am.

"Very much. I'm still in the loop. I'm officially listed as civilian advisor to the program and I work with the IOA on policy development. But it's just not the same. I was there long enough and I've read enough of the reports to know what is being left out. It's what they don't say that worries me." She offered him a small smile but that was all she could muster. It still hurt her to think about Atlantis.

"Major - Colonel Sheppard did have a creative way of filling out reports." Bates' tongue tripped over the word Colonel and Elizabeth had to smile at that. And now they were getting into that gray area of their year on Atlantis.

"He still does." She gave him a measured look. She wasn't sure how he was going to react to her next statement, but she had to say it. "I know you didn't respect me, but I want you to know, I respected you - even if it didn't seem that way. We didn't make that year very easy on you, did we?"

"No, you didn't." He looked right at her as he spoke. "But I think we all made it harder on each other. And I did respect you. You were given an impossible job, and you were supposed to have Colonel Sumner there to help. The Major, he did a good job, but he had no experience and he wasn't prepared. I will never agree with some of the choices you made, but more of us survived than not, and that's something." He paused for a second, as if he was seriously contemplating what to say next. "They debriefed me after I woke up - it was so confusing. They told me about the battle and the loss of Doctor Grodin, Lieutenant Ford, and everyone else. I also heard about Doctor Beckett - I'm so sorry, Elizabeth." They way he said her name, it was clear he was conveying more than just sympathy. He was apologizing, and she needed to accept it and apologize as well.

"I'm sorry as well." He nodded his head in acceptance. "You're right - it was an impossible job, but we did the impossible. We survived. I won't be here forever, I will be going back when I heal. You could come back. It's different now." She didn't think he would accept her offer, but she had to make it. For both of them.

"No, I can't. Most days, my leg is fine and aside from a little limp you can't even tell I was hurt. But some days, I'm walking and it just gives out, and the pain is there and it is real. If something goes wrong when I'm having one of those bad days, and I get to a situation just a little too late and someone is hurt or dies, I'd never be able to forgive myself." He looked so serious, and sad.

"I understand." And she really did. She knew it was more than the injury keeping him away, it was also the memories. She needed to go back, Atlantis was her home, and there were bad memories, but there were so many more good. "I just want you to know, that as long as I am in Atlantis, the offer will stand."

"Thank you, Elizabeth." He smiled at her, the first smile that hadn't held traces of their past in it. They had finished eating a while back, and Bates had stacked his tray and dishes on hers while they were talking. He looked at his watch. "I need to get to the airport, my flight back to Nevada leaves in two hours."

"It was good to see you, Sergeant. Keep in touch, please. We have regular email now." She didn't think he would ever actually email her, but she put it out there. He might surprise her, and she could always contact him.

"I'm glad I stopped when I saw you. I wasn't sure I was going to."

"I'm glad you stopped too." She stood up to grab her crutches, and he stood up as well, his training still clearly ingrained. She should probably just shake his hand and walk away, like she would with most old acquaintances, but he wasn't just an old acquaintance. She left her crutches leaning on the wall, closed the gap between them, and wrapped her arms around him. She felt his body stiffen, then relax into the hug.

She pulled back a bit and smiled at him, her arms still resting on his hips, his arms supporting her. She wanted to say something, but wasn't sure what was really left to say. He stayed there, silent for a moment as if he wasn't sure either. Then he moved, with one arm still supporting her he reached around and grabbed her crutches. When she had them situated he grabbed the trays and started to walk away.

When he was a few feet from the table he looked back and smiled. "Stay safe, Elizabeth." He hesitated a moment longer and just before he left he said softly. "Good luck."

Elizabeth smiled and watched the door swing shut behind him. "You, too."