"I don't think they're coming back for us" John mused, sitting on a log next to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth gave him a small smile and started kicking up leaves with her feet. "Sam wouldn't just leave us here."

"I like to think McKay wouldn't leave us here intentionally, either, but so far all evidence points to us being ditched."

"We should have gone with them." Elizabeth was starting to sound worried.

"No, thanks. I think I would have killed one or both of them if I had to listen to their continual snarking one minute longer." John stood up and started walking around the trees, examining the bases of the trunks.

Elizabeth stood up and joined John over by a pine tree. "Well, they took the only compass we had. How are we going to find our way back to camp?"

John looked down at the tree again and pointed to some moss growing on the side. "I'm pretty sure camp is north of here and doesn't moss grow on the north side of the tree? Couldn't we just follow the moss back to camp?"

"That would be nice, but in case you haven't noticed, there is moss all the way around that tree and I'm pretty sure camp is west of here." Elizabeth began pacing around the clearing, looking at the tree trunks surrounding them.

John walked around the pine tree again and pointed. "Huh, well, I know we came from that direction, so maybe if we head that way?"

"Well, alright." Elizabeth started following as John led the way into the woods.

"Give it up McKay! We are *l*o*s*t*! Your plan is not working. Give me the compass"

"No! We are not lost! We are just taking the scenic route."

"Last time I checked ‘taking the scenic route' was just a pretty way of saying ‘LOST'"

"And last time I checked, I was a genius and geniuses DO NOT GET LOST"

John and Elizabeth had been walking around for about an hour when John stopped abruptly and looked around. "Umm . . . Elizabeth? Does this look at all familiar to you?"

Elizabeth glanced around, taking in the never-ending rows of trees, rocks, and the utter lack of any distinguishing landmarks. "No. I take it you don't recognize where we are either?"

"Nope. Can't say that I do"

Elizabeth sank down on a tree stump to take a quick break. "I wonder how McKay and Sam are doing?"

John looked thoughtful for a moment. "Probably dead."

Elizabeth returned John's look. "Yeah, Sam did look ready to smack him and that was two hours ago and we were around to act as buffers, so I would gage their outlook as ‘not so good.'"

"Okay, I am POSITIVE we left them here." Rodney looked very sure of himself as he wandered around a fallen log.

Sam gave Rodney a pointed look. "Right, just like you were positive that last tree was really a bear and it was out to get you."

"I am *never* going on one of these retreats again"

Sam lost patience and started screaming at Rodney. "Okay McKay, give me the compass – NOW!" Sam threw her arms up in the air and started stalking towards McKay.

"No." Rodney crossed his arms over his chest, hiding the compass underneath them, and gave her his most stubborn look.

"NOW MCKAY!" Sam got within two inches of Rodney's face and started grabbing for the compass.

"OW. Don't grab at me. Ow!" Rodney pulled his arms closer and backed away.

"I am not grabbing at YOU, I'm grabbing at the compass, and I wouldn't have to if you would just give it to me," she growled, once again invading Rodney's personal space.

"No. You cannot have the compass. I'm hypoglycemic, and if we don't get out of here and find some food soon I am going to have a reaction."

"Rodney, we have been wandering around the woods for TWO hours. Your way is NOT working. If you are worried about being sick, then LET ME HAVE THE COMPASS!"

Rodney threw the compass at Sam. "FINE!"

"MARCO!"

"MARCO!"

"MARCO!"

"John?" Elizabeth asked, a quizzical expression on her face

"You know the water game Marco Polo? Where one person closes their eyes and yells ‘Marco' and then the people he's supposed to find yell ‘Polo' and then person who yelled ‘Marco' locates them by the sound of their voice? Hey, don't look at me like that. I've run out of ideas here."

"Well, I once read a survivalist handbook that said you're supposed to stay in one place when lost, but it's getting cold and even if McKay and Sam wanted to come back to us, I don't think they could find us." Elizabeth was starting to look upset, so John guided her over to a log and helped her sit down.

"Okay we need to make a plan here. You would think between two people as smart as us . . ." John said as he sat beside Elizabeth on the log.

"This type of situation doesn't exactly call for our type of smarts," Elizabeth retorted as she leaned back into a tree trunk for support as she tried to think up a plan. "You're the math guy. Can't you calculate our location using the sun or something?"

John looked thoughtful for a moment and then he reached into the back pocket of his jeans. "Actually, I was thinking maybe we could use the map they gave us to find our way home."

Elizabeth jumped up and glared at John. "MAP!?!?!? Are you telling me you have had a map this entire time!?!?!? Why didn't you say something?"

"Well, at first it was fun watching Rodney and Sam argue over how to use the compass. I mean, for two people as smart as they are, you would think they would realize that having a map might help." John at least had the decency to look a little sheepish.

Elizabeth, still looking perturbed, stepped closer to John, forcing him to look up at her. "I understand that, but why didn't you say anything when they left us?"

John scuffed his feet into the ground, ducked his head, and gave Elizabeth a shy smile. "I was enjoying hanging out with you in the woods and I was having fun being lost. This is supposed to be team building exercise. I figured we could hang out here for a few hours, have some fun, and then use the map to find our way back to camp."

Elizabeth didn't know how to respond to that, other than by melting, so she just smiled and squeezed John's arm. How could she not forgive him?

"Okay, that's it. I'm done. Done done done done done done done. We are going to die out here, in the woods, alone, eaten by some awful horrible thing and then I will never win the Nobel Prize and my brilliant life will be cut short all because of some STUPID ‘team building' exercise!" Rodney flapped his arms around as he ranted, looking like a deranged bird trying to take off.

"Oh, stuff it, McKay! We are NOT going to die. I will NOT let my final hours on this earth be with you." Sam snarked back, looking as if her last thread of patience was about to snap.

Rodney gave Sam his best professor to stupid student look. "So, can I assume then, Dr. Carter, that you have some brilliant plan to get us out of this situation?"

"Well I swear I remember reading somewhere that these things work better if you have a map but seeing as the heathens who run this place didn't see fit to give one to us, I'm all out of ideas."

"Map??? OH! I'm going to KILL Sheppard."

Sam looked at Rodney, confusion written across her face. "Why would you want to kill John?"

"The prepubescent woodsman in the making who dropped us off out here gave Sheppard something right before he left. I asked him what it was and he brushed me off. It *had* to have been a map."

"That BASTARD!"

"Did you hear that?" John stood up and looked around.

Elizabeth got really quiet and listened. "Was that Sam?"

"Yes!!! I think it was."

"MCKAY? SAM?" WE'RE OVER HERE!" Elizabeth shouted.

When Rodney and Sam finally worked their way through the trees to John and Elizabeth, Rodney got right up in John's face and started yelling. "You bastard, you had a map this entire time!"

John backed away from Rodney and into a tree trunk. "Just wait a minute and I'll give it to you."

Sam and Rodney both turned and glared at Elizabeth. "Don't look at me, I had no idea!" Elizabeth started backing up as if to get as far away from the two angry scientists as she could.

Sam continued glaring at Elizabeth "Doesn't matter. You're still an accomplice."

Rodney poked John in the chest with one hand and reached for the map with the other. "I think we'll just take that map and be on our way now."

John put the hand with the map behind his back and gave Rodney a questioning look. "What do you mean? On your way? You are not leaving us here."

Rodney looked back and forth between John and Elizabeth as if considering something of great importance. "Fine, Dr. Weir can come with us."

"We can't just leave him here," Elizabeth pleaded.

Sam looked at Elizabeth with no remorse, and said, "Well, he can't come with us, so you are either with us, or with him."

John looked at Elizabeth, Sam, and Rodney, hesitantly saying, "Ummmm, excuse me guys, standing right here."

"Did you hear something? I didn't." Rodney glared at John before turning back to Sam and Elizabeth.

"Great plan, but you guys are missing one key thing, I still have the map . . . HEY!!! No pushing." Rodney came at John and starting wrestling him for the map, and yanking it out of John's hands.

"And now you don't. Carter and I are leaving, and oh, no, Sheppard, I wouldn't do that if I were you." Rodney looked at John with a triumphant smile as John stalked up to Rodney and started grabbing for the map and the compass, trying to get them back. Somehow, Rodney managed to pull away from him for a moment but John kept heading towards him

"You know what John, I am tired, hungry, and cranky, you don't want to mess with me." John ignored Rodney's warning and started coming toward him again. "Okay you do. FINE." Rodney and John started wrestling again while Elizabeth and Sam looked on. Just as John was about to get the map away from Rodney he slipped on a muddy leaf and started to slide down a muddy hill towards a river.

"Hold on, John. I'll get you." Elizabeth reached for John's arm as he slid farther down the muddy hill. Just as Elizabeth grabbed on to John, he hit a particularly slippery patch of mud and started sliding really fast. Elizabeth lost her balance and started sliding down the hill after him. Rodney, horrified, tried to grab Elizabeth's arm, but was unable to do so. Elizabeth tumbled down the muddy hillside with John and they both splashed into the river.

"I swear to god Rodney if you don't stop laughing, I will push YOU down the hill into the river." John glared at Rodney, well glared as hard as a man covered in moss, water, and mud could manage.

"I'm sorry, John, it's just hard not to laugh at two people who look like the swamp thing." Chastised, Rodney made a valiant effort to keep a straight face as he walked back towards camp with John, Elizabeth, and Sam.

As the group approached camp Jack O'Neill came out of the lodge to meet them. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN?!!?!? We were about to -- " Jack stopped talked when he caught sight of John and Elizabeth looking like extras from a bad horror movie. "You know what? On second thought, I don't want to know." Jack walked back into the lodge, Sam and Rodney on his heels.

John looked ruefully at Elizabeth as they started walking back to their cabins to shower. "You do realize that everyone in the lodge saw us, right? God only know what kind of stories McKay and Sam are telling them right now. We are NEVER going to live this down."

Elizabeth smiled at John and linked her arm with his. "I'm sure you're right, BUT think of the fun stories we can make up about what Sam and McKay were doing the few hours they were separated from us."

John winked at Elizabeth. "So . . . about those showers – OUCH, okay, okay, going to my own cabin now."

"You never know, John. Maybe, next time." Elizabeth winked back at John as she walked into her own cabin and closed the door, leaving a gaping John staring at the closed door.

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