Five Names Women Have Called John Sheppard

by Raisintorte

Bastard

John had lost count of the number of women who had called him a bastard over the years. It really was the perfect cliché thing for girls to say before they slammed the door/hung up the phone/threw the drink in his face, and walked about of his life.

"Disco-dancing, Oscar-Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy."

He would never forget what Katie Marks called him at the base Valentine's Day Dance. He hadn't really wanted to go with her, she was too young for him, but he had agreed as a favor to her brother.

When he didn't respond to her advances she had shouted that he was a "Disco-dancing, Oscar-Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy."

He had no idea what that meant, until he got home and googled it.

She really was too young for him.

Twat

When Susan Davis dumped John (he totally deserved it) she called him a twat while she was storming around the house picking up her clothing (and some of his.) He made the mistake of asking her if that was really the correct use for that word.

She threw the dictionary at his head. (thankfully, the academy had trained him to duck.) Turns out she was right.

Twat. n 1: a man who is a stupid incompetent fool [syn: fathead, goof, goofball, bozo, jackass, goose, cuckoo, zany]

Kerplashi

He still has no idea what the chief's daughter on P3X-483 meant when she called him a Kerplashi, but she hadn't seemed too happy when she screamed it. Neither had her father, who was more than pleased to escort them to the gate, with the business end of a spear pointed in his back.

He tried to get Dr. Lindsey to translate for him, but every time he asked, she blushed, stammered out an excuse and got out of the conversation as fast as possible.

One of these days he would corner Elizabeth and ask her, but for now, ignorance was probably bliss.

Kirk

(Fine, it was McKay that called him Kirk, but McKay was acting like a total girl at the time, so it totally counts.)