This is an old, old fic, written something like three years 
ago.

Comments follow.


[Oracle, future] "And Then They Lived..."

"...Happily Ever After." That's how it goes, isn't it?


It was supposed to be a fairy tale.

Batgirl and Robin, Oracle and Nightwing, Barbara Gordon 
and Dick Grayson. As inevitable as breathing.

Which doesn't explain why I'm watching him take his 
things from the house that we share, or why it's not hurting 
as much as it should.

I can't help thinking it would be so much easier if there was 
something to blame, if I could point at a reason and say 
"this is why." But there isn't. 


It's not because of my paralysis. First and foremost, it's not 
because of that.

Although if it *were* that, the cause would have been my 
own fears: that I was not good enough, no longer whole, 
not enough of...a woman...for him. Sex is--difficult. 
Children impossible. And it still didn't matter. Dick never 
let it matter to him. *I* was the one who pushed him away 
for so long because of those fears, and he was patient 
enough to let me find my own time and way of coping. I 
did, and we did, and after awhile I realized it truly didn't 
matter at all.


It's not because of the danger he throws himself into 
nightly. As Oracle I face no less.

He hurls himself from the tops of buildings onto the streets 
below, facing criminals with guns and super-villains with 
powers and exotic weaponry. I hurl myself into the data 
stream, and more than once have been tracked back to my 
own sanctuary. Prometheus, Blockbuster, even a crazed 
Captain Pettit during the No Man's Land all invaded my 
refuge. My identity is secret but not undiscoverable. And 
while the Oracle sees and knows all from behind an 
electronic façade, Barbara Gordon is a very mortal woman 
who can't outrun that kind of danger.


It's not because we somehow "fell out of love."

Dick and I will always love each other, that's not even in 
question. I suppose it could be a matter of degrees, 
although that sounds as if such things could be measured in 
quantifiable terms. What we shared--what we share, even 
now--runs deep. I can't imagine a life without him in it. I 
know he feels the same about me. To use an utterly 
appropriate cliché, we were forged in the same fires. 
Shaped by the streets of Gotham, taking form in the 
shadow of the Bat.


All of these things that it's *not.* And yet here we are.

Maybe it's possible to know someone too well. Maybe it's 
that with everything we've been through, there are no 
secrets anymore; a true irony for two people steeped in 
secrets, identities and hidden truths and knowledge that 
Man Was Never Meant to Know. Except that the burden of 
secrecy is one we both accept, thrive on, and would feel 
empty without. There's an adrenaline junkie in the heart of 
every super-hero.

Maybe there's a certain lassitude that takes hold after so 
long, in anticipating each other's thoughts, in knowing 
every likely reaction to a word or a touch. Except that he 
still makes me laugh, and the touch of his hand on my 
cheek still makes my heart race, and I still wake to find him 
leaning over me, looking down with love.


So I think the truth is as simple as this:

Sometimes "meant to be"....

Just isn't.




{end}


This was sparked by a conversation with KJ. Lynch *her.*   
;)

*looks plaintive* I AM a Babs/Dick 'shipper (yes, despite 
other things I write, I do believe they're meant for each 
other in canon). I don't like this fic much, and had in fact 
shelved it for months. But KJ's evil notions wormed their 
way into my brain and would not let go.  *sighs, prepares 
for the lynch-mob *

Theme music: "Consider Me Gone." Music and lyrics by 
Sting. (Dream of the Blue Turtles)

There were rooms of forgiveness
In the house that we share
But the space has been emptied
Of whatever was there
There were cupboards of patience
There were shelf loads of care
But whoever came calling
Found nobody there

After today, consider me gone.

{etc.}


Meta-notes follow. 

I never posted this because I don't like this fic.

I mean, more than I usually don't like my fics, in that I have 
to work myself into a fine state of loathing before I post 
anything. This is only mild hyperbole. ;)

But the others who looked at it for me agree: it doesn't 
make any SENSE. There's no *reason* Babs and Dick 
would break up just like that. They've been through far, far 
too much with each other to let each other go without a 
fight.