My Alex....

My Alex...

Has moments when he misses Maddie - psycho Maddie, the Goblin Queen - because it was one point in his life where he was pretty damned sure that things were well and truly out of his control and thus he couldn't feel guilty about how things went.

Likes Seventies glam rock. Has been known to sing Mott the Hoople in the shower and is fairly sure he destroyed all the negatives of the pictures from that Halloween party in college when he went as Ziggy Stardust and ended up in the lap of someone who looked sort of like Iggy Pop.

Is well aware of his inferiority complex towards Scott, thank you very much. It would be so much easier to deal with if Scott weren't doing it totally by accident.

Nonetheless, he keeps a mental list of the things he does better than his brother. Asterisked are all of the things he gets by default because Scott has never tried to do them.

Has sampled several recreational drugs, all before he became Havok. Except the peyote, which was Lorna's idea. Enjoyed the buzz but mutant metabolism, especially the metabolism of an energy producer, assured that it didn't last very long.

Betsy was the only one to whom he has ever admitted that using his powers is arousing.

Views his occasionally disastrous alcohol consumption as necessity, not vice. Hot dogs with onions and saurkraut are his vice.

Australia began and ended badly, but in between were some of the greatest times of his adventuring life. In no small part because everyone there treated him like Alex, not like Scott's little brother.

Misses Betsy and Piotr with a pain he can feel. Is pretty sure that Betsy used up all of her 'get out of jail free' cards already and, well, Piotr... Piotr's probably happy now for the first time ever and Alex really hopes he stays where he is.

At his most cynical, he wonders if Xavier really regrets how many lives he has been responsible for ending.

Sometimes wonders how things might have gone if he and Scott had joined the Starjammers. Or if he alone had.

Once, when Lorna was drunk off her ass, she told him that she chose him over Bobby only because she was sure he'd be more adventurous in bed. Once, when she was angry, she told him that she was sure that she and Bobby would have been married by now because Bobby would have matured enough to handle the commitment. He always pretended to her that he remembers neither incident. But the idea that he was with Lorna because he loved her and she was with him because he's a good lay has stuck with him, gnawing at his insecurity like acid reflux.

(c) Marvel Comics

Doesn't have nearly the anger that Scott has towards their father and thinks that Scott's being irrational when he blames Corsair for abandoning them. Doesn't think his reaction has anything to do with the fact that he was adopted and Scott wasn't, but knows that Scott will draw that conclusion and thus doesn't start that fight.

Is more scared of a pissed-off Storm than a pissed-off Wolverine. And yes, he has seen both.

Has dreamt of what life might have been like had there been no plane crash. But the dream always stalls when he realizes that he can't really imagine a Scott not formed by the uncontrollability of his optic blasts.

Is sure that there is very little in life that can't be improved by a large slice of fresh strawberry shortcake.

The lowest point he's ever had was after Genosha, when he realized that the Siege Perilous was proof that he hadn't grown up nearly as much as he thought he had.

Thinks the story of him finding out that he was a mutant is a pretty damned funny one. But only when he or Jean or Scott tells it.

Still wonders if Maddie and Jean are similar in bed. Has never been drunk enough to ask Scott, but is fairly sure that Jean's pulled that out of his head telepathically by this point. Is even more sure that Jean would answer him if he asked.

Wonders if everyone else really appreciates what sort of a bawdy mind Jean always had even before she encountered the Phoenix.

Would like to be given more credit for his accomplishments with both the X-Men and X-Factor.

Hates that Scott will forgive him for anything. Hates that he relies on that forgiveness at times.

Will eat anything if someone tells him it's a fruit, but thinks beef jerky is an affront to nature.

He will always love Lorna, no matter what either of them do or become. But he hasn't been in love with her for a long time and doesn't begrudge Lorna for realizing that first.

Has never really believed in Xavier's dream, but hates the concept of persecution just because of surface differences.

Had an overdeveloped sense of obligation before he hooked up with the X-Men. Was impulsive and had a hair-trigger before everyone realized he was the opposite of Scott. One of his greatest regrets is that there is no one in his life who has anything but anecdotal evidence for this.

Is fairly open to the idea of dropping the whole secret identity thing, except for the fact that he has a secret fear that nobody from his pre-Havok life will be able to recognize him, or will like him even if they do.

Has a not-so-secret fear that somewhere out there is a son he never knew he had who will turn out to make Cable look cute and harmless.

Thinks the Catholicism he was raised in is less science fiction than he says. Mostly because he's seen so many cosmic forces at work and knows where the Church fathers got some of their ideas from.

That doesn't mean he doesn't envy Kurt's ability to believe in a higher controlling power who sees his creations as beings, not tools.

Thinks that not even Rogue believes that her issues have anything to do with her inability to touch skin to skin.


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