The Very Secret Diary of Kyle Rayner

by Domenika Marzione

Day 1: Still bothered by dreams of JLA and birds. Better than Tendax. Terry has crush on Justin Timberlake - ick.

Day 3: Regular Barda funnier than Jokerized Grayven. Must remember that superheroing requires more frequent trips to laundromat - fought Nero over cosmic energy wearing only tighty-whiteys b/c boxers were all in hamper.  Confabbed with Hal; Spectre gig has improved his sense of humor at the cost of his fashion sense. The embodiment of the Lord's Wrath should not be running around in a Speedo. V unflattering, but explains why he didn't comment on the BVDs. Defeated Nero; only limit on new powers is inability to pick out better codename. Still the prettiest.

Day 4: Ion powers v disturbing to everyone. Solved many crises on Earth and in space. Surprised JLA, rendered Wally speechless. Go me!

Day 5: Religious cults in my honor v annoying. Talked to Alan; managed to have entire conversation without accidentally reminding him that I'm sleeping with his daughter.

Day 6: Chatted with Hal. Offer of undoing destruction of Coast City turned down; threat of returning to Purgatory is apparently less daunting than mandatory JLA meetings. Visited father. The good: am one-half hot Latin lover. The bad: must watch carb intake, potbellies run in family. Repopulated Oa with Guardians. Little blue midgets swarming Ganthet v cute. Got nookie from Jen for good deeds. No longer Ion, but still the prettiest.

still the prettiest

Day 2: Finally able to sleep without Ion distractions, but once again disturbed by nightmares featuring JLA and black bird. V frustrating. Received invite to 10-year high school reunion.

Day 7: More nightmares w/ JLA and raven: poker game with Flash, WW, and Batman that threatened to turn into strip poker. Jen v suspicious about persistence of Wonder Woman in my dreams, not placated by persistence of Batman as well. Diana's a better poker player than Flash. Thought of Wally naked v gross.

Day 8: Got self and Flash dosed with poison cleaning fish off streets of Daytona. Woke up to find ravens attacking JLA in amusement park. V tiresome. Not as bad as Plasticman complaining about cleaning bird shit out of teeth, though.

Day 10: Failed to listen to instincts regarding time trip; punted to ancient Atlantis by Tempest to search for Arthur. Group diarrhea unspeakably bad.

Day 12: Sortie into Atlantis revealed Arthur trapped in swimming pool. Batman putting moves on WW. It had better be the fever talking. If he tries anything, Arthur's going to kill him.  

Day 13: Was last member standing as JLA killed by Atlantean superpeople. Go me! Got heart ripped out by Raven dude. V annoying.

Day 15: Bird dreams were precursor to being recruited by Raven dude to rescue Atlantis. Requires waiting for three thousand years; explains why he didn't pick Wally. JLA bodies rotting on pikes in town square, but am safe in ring form. Still the prettiest.

Day 170000: V Bored. Raven's been dozing since fall of Rome, but can't amuse self lest I waste energy.

Day 1095010: Saved new JLA from vaporization. Nearly got hugged by Nightwing. Go me! Set up plan to stop Gamemnae, JLA brought back to life. Lost Plas. Died again (v tiresome), but brought back to life by Raven. Went back to NYC. Jen announced after welcome home nookie that we're going to my reunion.

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