The Very Secret Diary of Orin of Atlantis

by Domenika Marzione

Day 1: Ignored JLA beeper again. Got snarked at by Wonder Woman. Would take offense if she weren't so hot.

Day 4: Earth under attack by alien invaders. Don't care so long as they stay out of the water. Mera insists upon reading over my shoulder as I research records of ancient Atlantis. Most irritating. Still king.

Day 6: Alien invaders not staying out of the water. V annoying. Summoned Garth, if only to keep JLA from 'helping out'. Flash sulked. Imperiex drones destroyed: 3. Mera too busy with ancient scrolls to attend to me upon returning from battle. Lori Leramis able substitute. Superman v wise.

Day 7: Got into spot of trouble with Imperiex and Garth dumped us all in Ancient Atlantis. Stupid scrolls neglected to say that Ancient Atlantis was ABOVE WATER. Mera insisted this was my fault. Bitch. Hot blonde on shore welcomes us.

Day 8: Hot blonde turned me into water elemental and tossed me into swimming pool. V annoying. Still king, though.

Day 15: Swimming pool v boring. Ancient Atlanteans haven't invented floaty toys yet. Still king, but wondering where subjects are.

Day 29: Swimming pool v v boring. Can't amuse myself stealing by swimming trunks because Ancient Atlanteans don't swim. Suspicious that Mera hasn't sent out search party yet.

Day 372: No longer king. Mera proclaimed herself sole ruler of underwater community. Bitch. Amusing myself remembering parts of Idyllist Kama Sutra. Wonder if Diana willing to learn Atlantean.

Day 671: Finished Kama Sutra. Discovered v annoying side effect of being water elemental. Still not king.

Day 1942: Strong wind blew paper bits into swimming pool. Dissolving paper bits v interesting. Sign of madness, I suspect. Sudden insight to Plasticman achieved.

Day 5439: Overheard plan to bring JLA to Ancient Atlantis. Willing to sit through team meeting without growling if they get me out of this pool.

Day 5440: Less hopeful about JLA arrival. Hot blonde's plan involves attacking them through GL's subconscious. Should have gone with Batman; GL not paranoid enough.

Day 5482: GL apparently makes up in imagination what he lacks in paranoia. JLA will attempt rescue: v good. Diana reading my mind after year spent imagining her and Kama Sutra: not so good. Still not king.

Day 5483: Start carving JLA logo into pool. Would have done Nike swoosh, but they wouldn't offer sponsorship. Interrupted by shriveled Indian who gave me JLA communicator pin.

Day 5484: Nobody answering signal device because JLA is dead. V annoying.

arthur's magic hand

Day 5487: Firestorm built outlet to sea from pool. Water elemental status not so bad after all. Sunk Atlantis. Returned to future. Batman avoiding me and WW; he'd better not have tried anything or else I'll have to kill him. Am king.

Day 5488: Mera suspends constitution and has me arrested for inaccuracies in ancient scrolls. Bitch. No longer king. Again.

Day... 54888 minus fourteen years plus... ah, ferget it. Drugged, tasered, and left on Mercy Reef. Mercy Reef less fun second time around.

Day 2: Stumble across mystical lake surrounded by hot babes. Mildly suspicious after time in ancient swimming pool, but it turns out better this time. Water hand *much* sexier than golden whale hook. Still not king.

Day5: Mera hired Master and Mistress of Conjugal Rites to produce deviant fish. Should never have gotten her audiobooks of V.C. Andrews' bestsellers for her last birthday. Mystical fish defeated by magic hand: 1. But it was a big fish.

Day 8: Chased J'onn away in order to spend day alone experimenting with magic hand. Water elemental problem solved through surface tension. V useful.

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